Features

Hugs and Pullups Challenge: Accepted and Completed

By Keith in Articles, Fast Food Quest, Features, food at September 2, 2010 – 9:01 am

About a week or so ago, the Chicago-based Improv group, Hugs and Pullups, decided to issue a challenge to Octavarus to find and consume the Friendly’s Restaurant Grilled Cheese Burgermelt.  This is a burger with a grilled cheese sandwich in place of each bun.  You can see their full  challenge here.

The first part of their challenge was to locate a Friendly’s Restaurant.

Check.

Their second challenge was to order and consume said monstrosity.

here it comes.

I got it to-go, so that's why its on some sort of black mystery surface.

I ate it.  It wasn’t terrible, but it was by no means good.  I don’t know why they think that lettuce should go anywhere near scalding hot buttered bread, but whatever.  Honestly, every ingredient in there wasn’t of “optimal quality.”  The burger was bland, the tomatoes were meh, the grilled cheeses themselves were smashed to appear as only one piece of bread.  The cheese was everywhere.  It was a gooey mess.  You know, like a burger?  Yeah.

The last challenge was to complete challenges one and two and live to tell the tale.  I know I will live.  Know why?

I’ve already done this.

AHHH HAHAHA! You Fools!

I had already made this monstrosity in college my senior year.  Only back then, I added pulled pork just under the burger.

Proof? You got it.

Mine was far superior.

We called it the MonsterSandwich.  Klahsio, Chris and I made it and ate it.  It was delicious. Boom Boom.

But as far as the Friendly’s Burger goes?

2 out of 4 Psychedelic Will Smith Points.

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Is Steve Urkel the Greatest Inventor of Our Time?

By BWo in Articles, Features, Inventors Week at September 2, 2010 – 2:41 am

Steve Urkel, you are the most impressive inventor  of the late 20th century and have made products that we all can barely live with out.

Yes, Steve Urkel, you did do that. You did create “cool juice” that transformed your nerdy self into the smoothest man on the planet, Stefan Urquelle.

You created your transformation chamber that transformed you AND Carl into Bruce Lee versions of yourselves!

You invented your own personal jetpack that got you a cameo on Step-By-Step.

Which, as we ALL know, gave you one more opportunity to show off the dance craze you invented, “The Urkel”.

You did it Steve. You wore us all down and we do love you. We show it by using jetpacks every day, turning into the “cool” versions of ourselves to get that girl who hates us, and, of course, we all know that if we ever want to rule the dance floor all we have to do is “hitch up our pants, bend our knees, and stick out our pelvis”. You have changed the world Steve, and are easily the greatest inventor of our time. Easily.

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Fast Food Quest 6: Blegh.

By Keith in Articles, Fast Food Quest, Features, food at August 30, 2010 – 10:30 am

Hey guys, back again with more reviews of awful fast food.  I got a few sandwiches to go over.  Let’s cut to the chase shall we?

McDonalds 1/3 lb. Angus Deluxe

I hate McDonalds.

First off, the picture advertises TWO pieces of cheese.  There’s only one.  Fuck that.

Second, it took like 5 minutes.  Normally, 5 minutes makes sense for food.  But it’s not like they had to cook this burger.  They just had to half-hazardly assemble it.  It should have taken 3 minutes, tops.

Lastly, it’s fucking awful.  Just like every other burger at McDonalds.  I really don’t like how fried burgers taste.  The grease is so present in the sandwich.  It’s just awful.  I don’t want to eat any other burgers from here.  I will, because I need to complete this, but expect every McDonald’s burger to get a 1 out of 4.

I give it 1 out of 4 spooky advertisements.

Next up was the grilled chicken sandwich from Wendy’s

fingers not included

It was ok.  There is some sort of sweet glaze on the chicken that I really didn’t care for.  I didn’t know their grilled chicken was sweet.  Wendy’s doesn’t warn you of that.  Why not just call it “Wendy’s Sweet Grilled Chicken Sandwich?”

It was also a little dry.  This was the first and only time I will probably get a grilled chicken sandwich at Wendy’s.  Their fried chicken sandwiches are far superior.

I give it 2 out of 4 poorly waxed bottles of Maker’s Mark

Last in this review was a value breakfast I had at Burger King this morning after driving until 5 A.M.

"Breakfast before bed, the best way to get breakfast in your head"

I typically only get Burger King breakfasts after driving all night.  I must say, they are actually quite good.  Let’s start with the sausage biscuit.

The biscuit itself is way better than the McDonald’s biscuit.  The sausage is also the slightest bit better.  Sleep deprived Keith actually loved the hell out of this dollar item.  Sure, the biscuit was a little on the dry side, but that’s how biscuits get made in fast food places.

I’m gonna go ahead and give it a 3 out of 4 moose lady pin up stickers

Now on to the hash browns, or as I referred to them as this morning, “potato coins!”

Some were scalding hot, others just a tad bit cold, but overall, they give you a ton for just a buck, and they are pretty tasty.  Are they as good as McDonald’s hash browns?  Of course not, but they are totally a good choice.

I am gonna give them a 3 out of 4 party bears

Maybe I am being a bit generous, but I left feeling happy, and that’s pretty unusual for me in terms of fast food establishments.

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“Chicago Life (4 a white guy)” video

By Keith in Features, Video, cool stuff
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Sea Shanty for a Thursday

By Cloud in Articles, Features

It is Breakup Week and this week I had to say my final goodbye to a friend who got me through some crazy times this past year. She is in a better place now, but it was sad to see her go. I have written a sea shanty in her honor. This song is a [...]

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Podcast: It’s not you…it’s podcast.

By Tinz in Audio, Features, Podcast

Dear viewer and/or listener,
I know the past few months have been really great. We’ve had a lot of fun times, and I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world. I love your parents and all of your family, and I’m glad that they seem to like me. You’ve taken me on some GREAT trips, [...]

Podcast: Download (Duration: 57:54 — 53.0MB)

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Fast Food Quest 4: What have I gotten myself into?

By Keith in Articles, Fast Food Quest, Features

Hey friends! Yesterday was a big day for fast food questing.  My first treat was from Hardees!  I got the “big chicken filet” sandwich.

It’s like every other chicken sandwich, only with more black pepper!

It was pretty good.  It has more noticeable black pepper in the breading, but it’s fine.  Honestly, it’s no bigger than anyone [...]

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Cookie Monster is an ASSHOLE.

By Tinz in Articles, Features

Cookie Monster is an asshole.
In particular, he’s an enormous asshole to Prairie Dawn, who for some reason frequently invited him over to her house (or at least to her letter-pedestal.) Observe exhibit A, in which Cookie Monster feigns complete ignorance of the finer differences between a cookie and the letter “E”:

No, Cookie Monster. It doesn’t [...]

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Podcast: Back to School

By Tinz in Audio, Features, Podcast

Alright, NERDS. It’s the back to school podcast. Consider my withholding (forgetting) it for two days as the Internet equivalent of not giving you back your textbooks until you’ve given me your lunch money. (OK, so it’s been a hectic week with a new semester of work starting. It’s easy to forget a tiny SD [...]

Podcast: Download (Duration: 59:21 — 54.3MB)

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Ad-Horr-able History: Jack the Ripper

By Castellvi in Articles, Features, History

Hey there boys and girls!  Today we are going travel in our imaginations to the Victorian Age and learn about the most famous English serial Killer:
Jack the Ripper
~
Now boys and girls, Lets all close our eyes and imagine its the 1880’s and we’re in London….Now that’s in England!
Come along, and lets visit a [...]

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