Happy Sunday, everybody! A few days ago LP posted a very cool video in which some guy mashed a bunch of clips from Hook into a badass song. The artist, Pogo, has a few others that you might enjoy. This one uses a bunch of sounds from the first two Harry Potter movies, and I think it’s extremely neat. If you like it then I’d highly recommend checking out Pogo’s Youtube channel, which has all of the songs and the occassional link to download the audio.
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Today, my children were kidnapped by fictional pirates. Apparently I’m Peter Pan and my mom forgot to tell me and now I have to save them in “Neverland”. Oh did I mention I’m scared of heights? FML
Today, I was taking the bus to work because I couldn’t find my keys and all of a sudden this cop jumps on the bus while we are on the highway and tells us that there is a bomb on the bus and we can’t go under 50mph or it will explode and if we try to escape it will explode. Then I found my keys in my pocket. FML
Today, I found out that the reason every time I fall asleep I wake up with injuries is because my parents and everyone in the neighborhood killed a child molester years ago and he got supernatural powers and is haunting all of their children. Now every time me or any of my friends go to sleep we are hurt or end up dead. I haven’t slept in four days. FML
Today I found out that the guy I was dating really was a 10 year old boy who was magically turned big. I am a pedophile. FML
Today, I came back from the dead as a ghost to speak with my family and tell them I am ok. Instead they misconstrued my eating of hot dogs and wailing as something fiendish. Before I could tell them I love them, four assholes with laser guns blasted me and forced me into a small box. I wish I was in hell. FMafterL
Today, after saving up for months, I bought my first NS 5, the robot servant of the future. At midnight all the robots in the world revolted. I paid for my captor. FML
Today, me and my family have been the caretakers of this old hotel in the middle of no where and my husband decided to write his novel to pass the time. I found the typewriter and instead of a novel I see he has written the same phrase millions of times over. Anything to get out of spending quality family time, I guess. FML
Today, I lost my first court case to some stereotypical guido named Vinny. Shortly after, I was disbarred. FML
Today I woke up in a hospital bed with no one around. After investigating I found that no one was in the whole the city. Apparently a zombie like virus had broke out while I was in a coma and now everyone I know is either dead or a zombie. Not only that but today is my birthday. FML
Today, My Pregnant Dalmatian gave birth to 101 puppies. I just lost my job, and now I have 104 mouths to feed. There is dog shit everywhere. FML
Today, my baseball team lost to the Cubs because their pitcher is a 12 year old boy who injured himself and can now throw really fast. When I protested that this isn’t fair and immoral, the umpire told me that “there is nothing in the rule book ’says a 12 year can’t play professional baseball.” FML
Today, I was feeding my famous giant plant blood when it started talking to me demanding that I feed it human flesh. Apparently it is from outer space, carnivorous and sentient. Then it started singing. FML
Today is Christmas in Whoville and I woke up and found out that everything we had under the tree was stolen, even the crumbs for the mice. Instead of calling the police, my parents made me go out to the streets to sing. My Xbox was stolen, too. FML
Today, I was really excited because I just got shipped to the USS Enterprise and I have been trying to get on a Star Fleet ship for years. When I was getting my uniform I gave my name and ID and the half-Klingon behind the counter gave me a red uniform. No one wearing that color has ever lived. Ever. FML
Today, I’m a theater owner and an old friend begged me house his act even though it involved a giant gorilla. I was reluctant but he promised me it would be alright because it would be chained. It broke out in the first act and destroyed half of New York causing millions of dollars in damages. I’m under arrest for being an accomplice. FML
Today, I’m still the Elephant Man. FML
My family found a St Bernard and despite me objections. We took it into our family and named him Beethoven. Three years later and everything I own is covered in drool. FML
Today, I was at my bank in Gotham when the bank was robbed by a group of thieves dressed as clowns. They forced us to hold grenades so we couldn’t do anything with our hands. After watching them kill each other and watching every other grenade explode, I now have so much post traumatic stress that I can never go into any bank without screaming and crying. I am a bank manager. FML
Today, I found out that all Toys are sentient and fucking PISSED at me. FML
Today is the first day of school and I teach 3rd grade. I found out that the new student who I have to teach is an anthropomorphic mouse named Stuart. What’s worse is I seem to be the only person who thinks that is unusual. FML
Want more? Here’s the first batch of FML For Movie Characters.
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Today, I was coming home and this old guy who my uncle knows threw my uncle’s ring in the fire. Then he gave it to me. Apparently because I touched it, I have to go all the way to Mordor. You know, the Land of Doom, and throw it into a volcano. FML
Today, I was fighting this asshole because he killed my father. I was just about to avenge his death when he cuts my hand off and tells me that HE is my father. My dad cut my hand off. FML
Today, I found out that our elderly female nanny from Scotland is really our father dressed in drag. He has been doing this for months and I just found this out when I walked in on him pissing standing up. FML
Today, I found out I’m a ghost. I died like a year ago and I still was doing my therapist job. I was scheduling appointments and doing ghost laundry for weeks before I looked at the back of my shirt. I could have been fucking Marilyn Monroe! FML
Today, I found out that my best friend, who I have been hanging out with for months, is just my split personality. I have been talking to myself like an idiot and no one said anything because its the first two rules. FML
Today, I just found out that they have a cave troll. FML
Today, I found that my whole life and everything around me is an illusion and I have been living in a tube for my whole life in the future while robots drain my body energy. That means technically I’m still a virgin. FML
Today, wanted to see what sex was like so I fucked a pie. Just as I was about to cum, my dad walks in. I forgot my dad was Eugene Levy. FML
Today, I was interrogating a suspect and I drilled him for an hour and a half and I thought I got everything I needed out of him. Just as I released him, I looked behind me and saw that he was just reading things that were on the bulletin board. I wasted an hour and a half and I had the mastermind in my office the whole time. Also I have to buy the chief a new mug because I dropped his. FML
Today, I found out that this retard who was in my platoon in Vietnam has done more with his life than I ever have or will. Now I have to be on his boat to look for shrimp because I bet him he was too stupid to get one. Did I mention I have no legs? FML
Today, I realized that the awesome and magical land I traveled to and the insane adventure I was on was just a dream. Now I have to continue to live with my poor and pathetic family in black and white. FML
Today, I went to a parent teacher meeting to find out why my child hasn’t learned anything but music at his school. As his teacher was explaining , the cops came. Apparently my son’s teacher was just a guy who wanted to exploit our children for their musical talents and start a rock band. What’s worse is he got away. FML
Today, is Groundhog Day and I found out it is repeating over and over again. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I have been trying to bang this broad for fifty of this day and she still won’t put out. FML
Today, I found out the term “unsinkable ship” just means “until an iceberg hits it”. FML
Today, I was eating my breakfast and some guy came running outside and screamed that Soylant Green is made of people. I have been eating this shit for years. I’m a cannibal. FML
Today, my team lost the World Series because the other team had angels in their outfield. This means there is a God. God exists and he hates me and my team. FML
Today, I found out that the bio dome that took years and years to build and isolate has been invaded by two half-wits. Everything has been ruined in three days. FML
Today, I was flirting with this bad boy for sometime and I finally got the courage and said “I love you” to him. What does he say? “I know”. Then he was frozen in carbonite. FML
Today, I saw the film Farenheit 9/11. I’m George W. Bush. FML
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Dear Facebook-using America,
It would appear that my plan to conquer Twitter isn’t panning out as quickly as I had hoped, so I call upon you to start a more reasonable trend that is, in fact, very fun to be a part of. It takes place every Wednesday and is called, if you could believe it, [...]
I love movies. they give and they give and i take and i take. its the perfect relationship. but sometimes movies give their audiences no credit and i say “NO! NO!! NnnoOO! you can’t do that!” . some say i am asking too much. that its just a movie. well FUCK you! i paid good [...]
I had long been intrigued by the “Dark Side of the Rainbow” phenomenon, in which one can sync up Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” with “The Wizard of Oz” and achieve some very interesting results. The decades-old debate, of course, is whether or not Pink floyd had actually made a conscious effort to [...]
But ever since we drove off the invading alien hoards, (Thank you Will Smith, and former star Bill Pullman) the 4th of July has been known as the day when the whole world came together with one voice to say, “We will not go quietly into the night. We will not vanish without a fight. [...]
I, your humble servant/anti-hero, have decided to award certain people in history as D-Bags of the week. I’m calling it the “Harry Ellis D-Bag of the week” because Harry Ellis (from Die Hard) is the ultimate D-Bag. No one comes even close to his stupidity, arrogance, and ugly ass beard as he does. No one!
For [...]
(while you are reading this post, feel free to enjoy some wonderful background music.)
Last night I had the amazing oppurtunity to watch the origional Adventures of Robin Hood starring the incredibly cocky yet brilliant Errol Flynn.
Then it occurred to me that is another Hollywood Robin Hood film…which was horrible.
Seriously, Kevin Costner is NOT Errol Flynn! [...]
As I write this, we are using my Xbox 360’s streaming Netflix service to watch She’s All That for free. For funsies, I went on IMDB for trivia and such. The movie’s photos, however, caught my eye. I’ll share all 31 of them with you because I find this screenshot to be really funny for [...]
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