They all said, “No!” They said, “No” so emphatically that I decided to waste my last slice of Gino’s East deep dish pizza on this stupid, stupid experiment in mixology.

Can you spot the pepperoni?

Ingredients

1. 1 slice fancy deep dish pizza
2. 3 oz cheap vodka hat tastes like clown spittle
3. No shame

Recipe

1. Remove crust from pizza slice
2. Heat pizza until moist if not already
3. Place pizza in food processor for one minute, or until finely ground
4. Pour pizza grains into blender
5. Pour vodka into blender
6. Begin slow blend, increasing blending speed every few seconds
7. Pause for reflection while blending continues
8. Stop blending when pizza and vodka are fully mixed
9. Drink
10. Regret this decision

The Aftermath

I made the unfortunate mistake of not heating the pizza before processing and blending, so the two ingredients never truly combined. This left the finished Pizza-tini with small grains of pizza floating in a puke colored vodka sauce.

I made it about half way through this drink before admitting defeat. Only one of my roommates, Tinz, was brave enough to try the Pizza-tini, and for that I salute him.

If anyone knows of a better way to make this drink, please let me know.