CARTHAGE!!!

While we’re at it, let’s all wish Marc “The Sharc” Muszynski a belated happy birthday. Hopefully he’ll hear us from all the way in Canada (where he is currently on vacation), and hopefully he can’t sense that we all farted on his pillows in his absence.

DRAMATIZATION

NOTE: This photo is a dramatic reinactment of my fish, but according to the site it was the same size.

Tinz, I was sad to hear that you are so enthused by an ocean. I would have helped correct you sooner, but I was too busy being a man to fix your boyish delights.

I’ve been to the ocean.  It’s cute.  But after about two seconds of looking at waves and sky you’ve just about got the picture.  I’d understand if you were an eight year old, or a grandma who couldn’t do much physical work, but you are a strapping lad who should be out making his fortune in a man’s world as I am.

While you are sitting on the sand, indulging your prepubescent oceanic pleasure, I was hauling a twenty-five pound fish from the depths of Lake of the Woods.  We journeyed by map and compas through territory first scouted by Pierre-Serge* La Verendrye in the mid 18th Century.

I built a a cooking fire from wood scavenged from the surrounding forest, and cooked fresh fish on an open flame fro three generations of the Muszynski family. And what were you doing? Growing soft.

I know manhood is scary, but when you get back, I’ll try to help you find it.

And Brian, I pre-farted on your pillow, just in case this happened.  Have fun sleeping in my latent farts. (A brief response to Brian’s While you’ve been on vacation, I farted on all your pillows.)

*Pierre-Serge is my best guess at this French explorer’s first name.

Taste my ass, Muszynski.

This post is a response to  My Vacation will be so much better than Marc’s and Viringia is for lovers… of lameness.

You guys may be having a wonderful time taking days off work and spending time with your family or girlfriend in a place that is not your own, but I’m having a great time here, in the great city of Chicago!

Last night I saw Marry Poppins with Amy. Today I farted on all of your pillows! Yup, all of ‘em.

Today, Amy and I are probably going to go see a movie, drink a bunch and hang out with our friends here in the beautiful city of Chicago!

Also, while you assholes are gone, TBS’s Just For Laughs: Chicago festival will be here! Many top standup acts will be in town for the whole week! I’ve already got tickets to see Robert Smigel with Mikula and Amy. What a great city. I think I might enjoy some Chicago Cubs baseball, some Chicago hot dogs, a deep dish pizza, and I’ll buy an alderman! I’m looking at you, Scott Waguespak.

Oh, I got you too Tinz. Nice books.