By 
SLIGHTLY BAD MONDAY NEWS: I brought the wrong SD card with me today. The one that contains podcast files to be rendered and posted has evidently been left at home. The SD card that I have with me right now, as it turns out, is an old one from a digital camera. Unfortunately this means I can not deliver you, our Friends in Time, a podcast at noon today as usual. I’ll post it up by tomorrow morning. Promise-ies.
GREAT NEWS FOR YOU: I now have free the time it would normally take me to format and post a Monday podcast. And I’ve decided to spend that time doing something worthwhile: constructing a haiku for every major Will Smith movie. Regardless of whether or not I have seen the movie, and based on my limited memory of what I have seen, without any additional research.
Enjoy. Or don’t!
Explosions! Boom! Pow!
Where you at, Martin Lawrence?
My other bad boy?
We’ve got aliens!
Plant a virus with a Mac.
Yeah. Welcome to Earth.
No more fingerprints!
You know what the difference is?
I make this look good.
I’m running. Always.
I’ve been made an enemy.
You know…of the state.
President Grant says,
“Team up with a scientist.”
Spider? Aw, hell no!
Would you like advice?
I’d suggest the nine-iron.
I’m all mystical.
Float like butterflies,
And sting like a swarm of bees.
Get your boxing gloves.
J and K are back!
This time, Johnny Knoxville’s here!
Also: David Cross.
Hey, those boys are back!
And they’re badder than ever!
At least I assume.
You must not harm me
Or bring harm unto yourself.
Unless you go balls-nuts.
Hey! I’m, like, a fish.
My friend’s a shark or something.
Let’s have adventures.
I’m the date master!
I wish I could help myself.
And Kevin James too.
Where is happyness?
I can not find happyness.
Cut it out, spell-check.
Just me and my dog
Versus a demon army.
Legendary, dude!
Reluctant hero.
Much collateral damage.
Sweet hat, sunglasses.
One, two, three, four, five.
These weights are getting heavy!
Six…there. Seven pounds.
