If you’ve been outside of your place of residence in the past decade, then chances are you’ve heard whispers of the man currently known as Scott Danielson. You have likely heard of his many rumored deeds and not even known that it was him. To further shroud himself in mystery he has adopted a number of aliases, none of which he has kept for longer than six months. Among the names you have probably heard in passing are Big Scott, Scotty D, Scottsdale, SD Card, Scott von Danielson, Sudden Death, and The S.
Recently the myths about this figure have been inflating rapidly, in large part due to left-leaning media sources and satellite television stations (namely Channel 940, “All Things Scotts”). As a man who has had the fortune of meeting this man on not one but four or five occasions, I feel that it is my duty to clear up the rumors about Scott Danielson in a new Octavarius.com segment that I’m calling “Fact Or Not Fact”.
MYTH: Scott Danielson is not, and has never been, a real human being and is in fact a character dreamed up by the government to scare us into subservience.
FACT OR NOT FACT: Not fact. The voice heard on most of our Monday podcasts is actually Scott’s. This rumor may have originated from the fact that he is almost never in the room during the recording sessions, but instead expertly throws his voice from an undisclosed location in Chicago.
MYTH: Scott Danielson ages at only a tenth of the rate of normal humans.
FACT OR NOT FACT: Not fact. Scott only ages at a fifth of the rate of the average human being. He has been bestowed with a rare condition that doctors are calling “reverse Jack disorder”. Though he has the appearance of a man in his late twenties, historical records tend to place him somewhere between the ages of 135 and 140.
MYTH: So wait, does that mean Scott Danielson could have been alive during the Civil War?
FACT OR NOT FACT: Most likely not fact. Though some claim that early records have been destroyed and Scott could have been present at the Battle of Antietam, nearly all historians agree that he was not born until sometime during the reconstruction era.
MYTH: The only way to kill Scott Danielson is to play The Normal’s 1978 song “Warm Leatherette” in his presence.
FACT OR NOT FACT: Fact. Though he has had several close calls in the past, Scott now has sound-dampening earplugs inserted at all times to give himself a few moments to escape peril if necessary. This also means that, though nobody could have known it at the time, Scott was for all intents and purposes immortal until 1978.
MYTH: Scott Danielson does not take the train to work; he instead rides a griffin lightly disguised as a Red Line train.
FACT OR NOT FACT: Fact.