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Note: This is the 3rd and final installment of a 3-part series. You can find the 1st-15th Presidents here and the 16th-30th Presidents here.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt: Today, the Japanese attacked the U.S. Pacific Fleet in Hawaii. Now I’m going to have to write another speech. Hope I don’t die four years from now! FML
Harry Truman: Today, I made a decision that got a quarter of a million people killed. Have you ever had to do that? No. No you haven’t. FML
Dwight D. Eisenhower: Today, an amendment was ratified that limits the number of terms that I cold hold office. So much for my dreams of Emperor Eisenhower. FML
John F. Kennedy: Today, I had to wake up early so I can go to Dealey Plaza in a motorcade. I’m not even really sure what that is. Hope I don’t die! FML
Lyndon B. Johnson: Today, I noticed a mustard stain on my shirt. It’s 7PM, I’ve been in public all day, and I just noticed it. Oh yeah, and Vietnam is happening. FML
Richard Nixon: Today, officials found all of the recording devices in my office. This is going to be really embarrassing if they listen to the 2-hour segment where I do goofy voices. FML
Gerald Ford: Today, I paid 51 cents a gallon for gas. FML
Jimmy Carter: Today, my quote was put on Voyager 1 and sent into space. Now extraterrestrial life can see it and understand our message of peace and good will. Assuming that they can read the human Phoenician alphabet. FML
Ronald Reagan: Today, I gave a speech detailing my plans for a Strategic Defense Initiative, which I nicknamed “Star Wars”. I was later told that there’s already a movie by the same name. I feel like an idiot. FML
George H. W. Bush: Today, I raised taxes. Now I’m officially a liar. FML
Bill Clinton: Today, I played saxophone on the Arsenio Hall Show. I had no idea that the guy is black…I got him a damn tea set! FML
George H.W. Bush: Today, I presented the Medal of Freedom to Pope John Paul II. I thought I was going to be presenting it to John Paul Jones. Hope the Pope likes the signed bass guitar I got him. FML
Barack Obama: Today, I came across some guy’s blog about me called “The Audacity of Dope”. That hurts, man. That really hurts. FML
