By 
I have been thinking about the end of the world a lot lately, and that led me to thinking more about how death iS inevitable. Odds are, I won’t see the end of the Earth, but there are very low odds that I will live forever.
Since I can’t live forever, perhaps its time I let the world know my secret.
I want to have my own Food Network show more than anything else.
But not just any show! There are two different show types that I would love to have. Don’t worry, I’ve already named them and everything
This is a picture of me holding knives
1. Cooking with Keith
This show would be a “how-to” cooking show geared toward the college aged (and budgeted) crowd. It would consist of me being wildly entertaining whilst teaching viewers how to make a meal for 4 well-appetited men for under 15 dollars. I could teach the basics of casseroles, stir-frys, soups, and meatloafs! Just check out some of the food I’ve made!
Cowboy Skillet
7 pounds of Prime Rib
Enormous Turkey
I’ve already proven that I can help turn an ordinary frozen pizza into a work of culinary art! What more do you need FOOD NETWORKS?!!?!
This is who I am
2. Teach this Idiot your Food (I guess this name could use a little work)
This is a show where I travel to neat restaurants and the cooks teach me to make their food and work there for a day. Only I don’t really have culinary training! So I will be hilariously commenting on everything while failing to make their food correctly! WHAT COULD BE A BETTER SHOW?! IT’S LIKE “DINERS, DRIVE INS, AND DIVES” BUT WITH ME AND I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING SO IT’S FUNNY AND THEN I AM FAMOUS AND THEN I CAN DIE.
WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING WAITING FOR FOOD NETWORK?!?!? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO TO PROVE TO YOU I’M PERFECT?!
I’VE HAD IT!
end.
